One of the BEST YouTube comments
IT’S SO CUTE IM REBLOGGING TWICE
my mom would yell at us and then ask
did I stutter?
and one day I was feelin’ bold - so I said yes, you did stutter
and her response was
THEN YOU HEARD ME TWICE
Opposite of walking into a glass door.
i haVEe been laUAGHING AT thIS FOR 328 YeaRS
okay so i have a story for u
i was on a bus (i live in london fyi) and normally on the second pair of doors there are like two glass windows on either side separating the seats from the space, so i decided to stand in the middle, because u know, i thought i would be safe, BUT OH LORD AND BEYOND I WAS WRONG
like, as soon as i got on i realised this wasnt gonna be a normal fuckin bus journey, because the bus driver was FUCKING MENTAL, his driving was super fast and he was swerving round corners like he gotta get home to watch his favourite tv show or s/t
so when the journey comes to an end, he pulls up to the stop, yet it wasn’t a gentle pull up (because remember, the bus driver was off his tits), it was like satan was taking the whole bus from behind, and remember the part where I said I was standing? yeah me too
so as my life flashed before my eyes i quickly put my hand out to stop myself from slamming into the glass, BUT TO MY SURPRISE THE GLASS WASN’T FUCKING THERE, THE GLASS HAD BETRAYED MY HANDS AND I HEARD SARAH MCLACHLAN SINGING IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL
I FULL ON SMACKED A GUY IN THE FUCKING FACE WHO HAD JUST TURNED AROUND AND STOOD UP TO GET OFF THE BUS BECAUSE THE GLASS WAS NOT THERE
AND AS IF THIS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE, IN MY MIND I COULDN’T JUST SLAP AND LEAVE HIM, SO I DECIDED TO GENTLY STROKE HIS FACE, LIKE who the fuck, im so ashamed of my bus it lasted a good 5 seconds
i then slowly got off the bus and contemplated my life choices
and that was the day glass on a bus betrayed me
THAT WAS THE GREATEST STORY I’VE EVER READ
ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS
YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN
SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.
NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.
NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING
NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE
GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED
IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGES
thanks for the tip karkat
this isn’t even a problem
This is how I envision hogwarts homework being done
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